


The Decadence of Self Indulgence

by PeachesnCherry



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Gun Violence, Isekai, Near Death Experiences, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV First Person, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Indulgent, Self-Insert, Suicidal Ideation, Suicidal Thoughts, i'll add more character tags as they enter the story, it just kinda keeps going, there isnt much of a plot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:40:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23763979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeachesnCherry/pseuds/PeachesnCherry
Summary: Birds tweet sweetly in the crisp air. Sunlight dapples through the tree leaves. It's a beautiful morning, and I am fucked.
Comments: 38
Kudos: 73





	1. Dreams are cool, if only they were real... Wait

**Author's Note:**

> Oh boy, welcome to this fanfic! I hope you have as much fun reading it as I had writing it. :3 
> 
> Special thanks to Tumblr user my-sun-my-baelish for beta reading this chapter!! And also to Tumblr user quantumseahorse for the new name!!

If I could sleep forever, I would. 

Not in an "I want to stop existing" sort of way. Just a "my dreams are far more interesting than reality" way. That and waking up is a total chore. 

Sunlight pours onto my face and I can't help but wince. This is what I get for leaving my blinds up. Again. 

Ignoring the daytime in favor of more sleep, I try to turn away from the bright light. 

Try. I feel a bit stuck. 

Frustrated, I finally open my eyes and look down. Instead of being entangled in my blankets like I thought, there's dirt? Blinking a couple of times, I look around. I'm in a dirt patch in a forest.

What... the fuck?

Wh-where am I? Was I kidnapped? Did somebody try to kill and bury me? Or were they trying to bury me alive?

At least whomever buried me did a shit job. 

I take my one free arm and start frantically digging, but then stop. I stare at my hand. Then my arm. Since when is my arm pitch black and all...noodly? I stretch out my fingers just to be sure and, yep, this limb moves per my wishes. I flex my fingers and am surprised when claws come out. So my hands are like cat paws?

I flex my fingers like I typically do when I stim. The claws pop in and out just like I imagined my hands would do if I had claws. Neat. 

I try to bring up my other arm to see if it's the same and am halted. I glance down and it appears to still be buried. Oh yeah. 

Right. RIGHT. I start to dig again, this time using my claws to help break apart the dirt. Just because my body is weird doesn't mean I probably wasn't kidnapped to wherever the hell I am now. 

I've never considered myself afraid of being buried alive before, but I can see where people are coming from now. My pulse is skyrocketing and I'm feeling desperate. 

I manage to free my other arm (also weird looking) and double down on digging myself out. It starts to hurt and I think I might be bleeding a bit, but I can't stop. By the time I feel just my legs are buried, my hands are shaking and definitely bleeding now. I push against the ground to lift myself out of the dirt. It's tough, I should really start exercising more, but I manage to pop myself from the ground. I stand up as quickly as my shaking body can and search for any danger attentively. 

I hear the buzzing of insects. Birds tweet sweetly. I tense when the plant life starts to stir, but realize that it's just a gentle breeze. It's cooling the air, though it's not overly hot. Probably thanks to the huge trees looming over me, creating enough shade that I'm protected from the brunt of the hot sun. 

...I don't... think that... anybody's around. Just me... and my paranoia. 

Looking at everything, really looking this time, this forest... is very big. 

...Or am I very small?

Everything feels so weird. I look back at my arms. I've calmed down enough that I've stopped shaking. But, they don't make any sense. This isn't what my arms are supposed to look like. I stick out my legs and examine them as well. They're black and noodly as well, though they're very short in comparison to my arms. 

What the hell am I?

I try to look at myself, but no matter how low I tilt myself I can't get a good look at my body. I think I don't have a neck? How inconvenient. 

I look back around the forest. I feel very alone. That's... good. It's good I'm alone... I think. No, yeah, it's good I'm alone. If the guy who buried me realized they did a shitty job, then they'd probably try to do it properly. 

...What now? I don't know how to navigate forests. I've never even camped properly before, except when I was young. And even then I think it wasn't really camping camping. Just found a bunch of trees and hung out in a tent by said trees. There was a campfire though, so that was cool. Marshmallows roasted black by a fire are the best...

FOCUS. 

Okay, so what I remember from Tumblr posts randomly coming across my dash, the most important thing to do is find a source of water. And then... uh. Hmm. 

First things first. Water. I can figure out the rest later. 

So I should go... which way? How does one find water? I remember a thing about holding a two-pronged stick that acted as a dowsing rod? But I'm pretty certain that was a hoax...

I look around the clearing. I listen. I... don't hear any running water. There isn't any close by...

Welp. I won't figure anything out if I don't move. I decide to walk in a straight path and see where that takes me. 

I walk a few steps, but then pause. I look down. My arms are dragging across the ground. That's... odd. I lift my arms and hold them up by my sides. As pleasant as having my arms drag across the forest floor is I don't want to lose any skin. 

At least... I think I have skin. 

I keep holding my arms up as I walk through the forest and observe everything I possibly can. Lots of pine trees. A squirrel. Grass feels weird under my feet. 

Actually, I think I might be wearing shoes? I stop walking and lift my foot to look at it. It doesn't look like I'm wearing shoes. But it so obviously feels like I am. Everything just keeps getting weirder and weirder. 

Wait. 

I look more intensely at the forest around me. Is this..?

I stare back at my arms. This is...

Ohhhhhh, I get it now! I take my hand and grab above my head. Sure enough, I pull down a hat. I'm dreaming that I'm Bill Cipher again! Thank God, if I was actually lost in a forest in a strange body then, aha, that'd be disastrous. But it's just a dream! I put my hat back above my head. Does this mean I can float like Bill can?

I focus with all my might on floating upwards. Nothing happens. I try jumping. I fall back to the Earth. Rats. I stop bothering. Maybe this dream is like my other dreams, where I can't fly, just float at the same height I'm at? This means I'd have to climb higher to see if it'd work. 

I look at the trees around me. If this is like other dreams, then climbing should be a piece of cake. I unsheathe my claws. Just like a cat, right?

I take a running jump at the nearest tree. My claws dig into the crevices of the tree like it's natural at the expense of my claws radiating pain. Ow. I flinch and thanks to it accidentally fall onto my back with a slight _whump_. 

Fuck. Just went ahead and did that despite the obvious flaw in my plan, huh? I lift my hands and stare at them. They're ever so slightly bleeding. The red blood wells, but doesn't drip. I feel tempted to lick them clean, but I remember that I went digging in dirt and I have no interest in tasting that. I should clean them in water. I sheathe my claws and lay them back against the ground. 

Great. 

...Maybe climbing trees is a terrible idea. I do have a fear of heights after all. 

But this is a dream! Since when does my dream self care about real-life fears? It's not like it matters if I don't have floaty powers and I fall. Sure, it'd be scary and then I'd probably spend the rest of the dream wandering around with a... broken body. 

...

The trees sure are tall from this angle, huh? Maybe it's a good idea to heed my warnings... Though I bet that the view from them would be very lovely. 

I could probably get a good view of a sea of trees, all the rocks, any riv- A VIEW OF RIVERS. 

I sit up sharply. YES. A PERFECT PLAN. EXCEPT FOR THE PAIN. DAMN IT. 

Wait, dreams shouldn't have pain, right? No, wait, this is just my mind approximating pain. I think I'm in pain, but not really. It's just emotionally taxing. Right. 

I have a high pain tolerance anyways. Now that I know the pain is coming it shouldn't be a big deal. 

I stand back up. I massage my fingers just a bit to help relieve the stinging feeling. Okay, I'm ready. 

I walk up to the tree and dig my claws into the bark. I lift myself and ignore the pain. My shoe-clad feet have a tougher time sticking to the bark, but there's enough traction that I can get a grip to push myself higher. 

This is... actually kinda fun. I haven't climbed a tree since I was a kid, though it was the easiest thing to climb considering it was covered in knubs. Besides the pain, this feels just as easy to climb! I feel the same exhilaration I did back then! 

I bonk my head on something. Uh, ow? I glance up. I hit a branch. I should probably be paying closer attention to where I'm going. 

I mosey myself around the branch and keep climbing. I expected myself to run out of breath after climbing so high (even if it really isn't that high technically. What am I, eight feet off the ground?) but I don't feel my chest heaving. If anything, I feel energetic! What a thrill! Usually, I'm permanently exhausted, but I'm just... not! Ah, the wonders of dreams, capable of making all my wildest fantasies come true.

I make it about halfway up the tree. I find a suitable branch that'll probably hold my weight well. I take a seat and look out. 

Lots of pine needles. I then make the mistake of looking down. 

Oh shit, my fear of heights definitely followed me into this dream. I cling to the trunk of the tree. I try to do some breathing exercises, but realize then why I wasn't out of breath earlier. It's because I have no breath to breathe. 

I squeeze my eyes... eye tightly shut. It's okay. It's alright, it's okay. I won't fall. I have claws. And this is a dream, so I won't die. Everything's fine. 

Think of the ebb and flow of our emotions. Built-up tension and letting it go, letting the pent up stress in my chest flow out like waves. Feel it spread out so thin across my entire body that it's no longer a threat. 

I open my eye. Everything is okay. I look back up. Is it worth the additional stress to climb any higher? Probably not. I try to take my hands back to myself, but my claws are embedded into the bark. I must have been clinging too hard...

Carefully, I start to unstick my left hand. I push it away from myself so that my claws don't get tugged on and they slide right out after a little wiggling. I do the same with my right hand. 

With my newly free hands I hold onto the branch I'm on. I briefly consider going back down. I mean, this is a dream, right? So what does it matter if I don't find water? Though... my hands are stinging still. I really want to clean them...

I look out again and try not to let my stomach drop. Do I have a stomach?

...Eh, I suppose it doesn't matter, but then again I probably do have a stomach considering that Bill Cipher has drank martinis and removed his exoskeleton to feed apparently. 

Wait, was the martini a fanon thing? I think it's canon... maybe. Jeez, my memory sucks. Bleh. 

Anyways, looking past the pine needles, there's quite the beautiful view up here! Lots of trees, plants galore, there's some rocks over there. Wow, I suck at describing things! And I call myself a writer? Ha!

...I should probably work on those skills. 

...But really, the view is gorgeous. I love forest scenery. It makes me feel like a kid again before my mental illnesses decided to jump in and kick my ass. Thinking back I never did have emotions about the forest, or anything really. But it's not about the emotions for me, it's about the experience. Forests were there when I was with my family rather than across the United States with just my dad. 

I don't hate being with my dad. I wouldn't want to leave him alone ever. I just... miss the rest of my family. Maybe if I can remember when this dream is over I'll call my sister. It's been too long since I've last talked with her. 

This forest is much more peaceful than I anticipated it being. Watching Gravity Falls, it made it seem like something was always happening. But I guess that's just how tv shows are. If nothing was happening it wouldn't make for a very good show, now would it? I wonder what the Pines family are doing in this dream. 

...

Whatever it is they're doing I should steer clear of it. If they knew that I was walking around in Bill Cipher's body they'd most likely be like, shoot first and ask questions later. I have no interest in this dream turning into a nightmare. No thank you. 

...

This dream is strange. Usually something is always happening in them, but right now I'm just thinking to myself. Where's the plot? Something crazy fantastical always happens. I glance nervously around myself. Maybe the Pines family will show up and the story will begin. I shiver despite the heat. I'm repeating myself, but it bears repeating. No thank you. 

I bring my focus back to the forest, looking for any sign of water. Ehh, I just see the trees. Perhaps I need to climb higher? My grip on the branch tightens. I absolutely do **not** want to do that. 

But what other choice do I have?

I stare morosely at the rest of the tree above me. Fine. Fine fine fine. Making certain I don't fall, I stand up on the branch and head towards the trunk. Just don't think about the height. Don't think about it. 

I dig my claws into the tree and whip my way up it. The faster I do this, the faster I can get it over with. Of course, this time I bother to look up now and again to ensure I don't bonk my head again. 

Disregarding the terror in my stomach, this is actually pretty fun! Constant exhaustion who? Don't know her. 

Reaching the top, I grab the tip of the tree and look out. Looking this way and that, it seems, that maybe... YES, way over there! It's a waterfall! And it seems to be the one that's by the Mystery Shack. 

Hmm, I should steer clear of that place. Luckily for me, I can avoid it easily enough since it's not on the path from here to the waterfall. Heh, it's kinda funny. I was heading in the exact opposite direction of the nearest source of water. It even looks like if I kept heading in the direction I was heading I would have hit the town. Yikes. 

I climb back down (don't look, don't look, don't look) and try to heave a sigh once I touch the ground. Keyword being try. The muscles in my chest contract weirdly to try to accommodate the odd motion of breathing. I release the tension in my muscles and try not to think about manual breathing or the fact that I should be panicking right now because I can't breathe (shake it off, shake it off). 

I head in the direction of the waterfall. I do my best to memorize the forest around me as I walk. Better to know my way around rather than forget and be completely lost. 

There are a few bugs buzzing around and flying about. I can tell that there's beetles crawling on a log way over in the distance and- wait, since when is my vision that good?

I blink and stare more intensively at my surroundings. The moss growing on a tree over a few yards away from me, I can see it so clearly, as if it's just a foot away. The way the sunlight dapples off its furriness. The little intricacies of the shading. Woah, dreams are incredible! I'm a little near-sighted in real life, but this, this is just cool!

I jog over to the nearest tree and look at the bark. If I focus enough I can see every little mark, every little detail in a way I've never imagined before. I bet if I studied the bark extensively, I could eventually learn what all these little marks mean. Are they natural? Or caused by animals? Maybe bugs? How does bark work anyway? I know it's like skin... sort of. But how does it grow? What makes it grow? What makes a tree more alive than the shifting continents? Is the Earth alive? Is the definition that we have of alive even accurate?

I think I'm thinking too much about bark. If I contemplate infinity again, I'm going to get a headache. 

I stop staring at the bark and instead start walking again, looking around the forest as I go. Is it just me, or are the colors more vibrant too? No wonder everything's so pretty. I never thought my imagination could create something like this. 

Once again, this dream is odd. It's starting to weird me out. Not necessarily in a bad way, just in a "this shouldn't be happening" way. 

I feel like I'm beginning to realize something... but what?

...

Don't want to think about it. 

"-tch your step, that root can and will getcha. Haha!"

I freeze. A voice that sounds suspiciously like Soos sounds from ahead of me. 

"And if you look over in this clearing, you can see the very demon that tried to-" Soos' voice cuts off. 

I shakily look in the direction the voice is coming from. From my sight, I can see Soos leading a group of tourists to the area where I used to be buried. Nobody's near me or is even looking in my direction. Everybody's staring at the hole in the ground. I as quickly and quietly as I possibly can hide behind the nearest tree. 

"Uh, ahaha, um." Soos had sounded so carefree before, but now it sounds like he has a gun up to his head. Which, technically, he kind of does because if the real Bill Cipher is back like the situation suggests then he's looking at a potential second Weirdmageddon. I'd be scared too if I was in his position. 

"Where's the statue? I paid good money to see it."

"Yeah!"

"There was a statue here the last time I was on this tour..."

Soos audibly gulps. "Well, uh, I'm sorry to say folks that it looks like somebody has stolen the statue. I'll report this to the police right away. In the meantime enjoy the... forest, while I make a call. Haha."

I hear footsteps coming closer to my tree; oh fuck please don't notice me. 

Luckily enough he doesn't bother to come to the side of the tree where I'm hiding. I hear some rustling and beeps, then Soos starts speaking. 

"Dad, we have an emergency. This is code black, no wait, worse than black. This is nightmare black. Bill Cipher's statue is not here."

I hear a shocked voice yell out from the phone. "What? What happened to it?"

"I'm not sure, it's just gone."

"Was it dug out? Did somebody steal it?"

"Hang on, let me check." Soos steps away from the tree. Oh, thank God. Should I make a run for it? Should I stick around?

The answer is obvious.

Sneaky as a yellow triangle can be, I force myself to walk away rather than run. I walk, avoiding any stick, any rustling plant under my feet. I walk, walk, walk, waiting for anybody to shout out something along the lines of, "Hey, what's that yellow triangle?". But nobody shouts anything. Nobody says a word about me as they make small talk. Their voices steadily grow fainter and fainter. I walk. And I keep walking until I can't hear them anymore. Then I run. 

I run as fast as I can go. It's difficult, I'm not used to this body, and I trip a couple of times, but I run and run until my muscles start to ache. I stop. 

I feel my blood rushing through me. I feel like I'm shaking. I raise my hands and stare at them. Yup, I'm shaking. 

Okay, that was waaay too close. Oh my gosh. Now I'm going to have to be on my toes, the Pines know I'm alive now. Or at least they'll figure it out soon enough. Scary. 

Hmm, maybe a little bit too scary? Maybe I should wake myself up...

I... do not want to deal with being hunted or gunned down. No thank you. 

Welp, time for me to wake up! It was fun while it lasted, but I'm ready to get up, fall back asleep, and have a different dream. 

I blink my eye closed and then open it. 

I'm still in the forest. That's odd. Very odd. I blink my eye closed and concentrate on waking up. I open my eye again. Still in the forest...

This is- no. No, it's not. Perhaps this dream is being annoyingly clingy?

But... I've always been able to wake up from my dreams just by blinking my eyes closed and then opening them. That's how it's always happened. Why, why can't I wake up?

I close my eye for a long while. Everything's fine. I'll wake up in 3... 2... 1...

I gingerly open my eye, not wanting to see the forest again. But... there it is.

No. This can't- This can't be happening. It's not happening. This is just a clingy dream. I can't wake up but it's fine. I try to sing my comfort song. It's alright, it's okay, it's-

I...

My thoughts are bright and clear in my head, but my voice...

It's... alright?

How do I speak?

I try to sing, to speak, to hum, to make any noise whatsoever. But all the sounds I hear are of the forest and my pounding blood. It's loud. Too loud. I- I, I-

I can't speak. I can't stop existing here. I'm going to be hunted down by the Pines and killed. This dream... it's not a dream. It's a nightmare. 

I feel a whisper inside my head, the voice that always makes me face the truth. _Except it's not a nightmare either, is it?_

Fuck offffff, I do not want to deal with this right now. I- I...

I don't know what to do. 

All of my thoughts stop cause I don't know what to do. 

I feel like I'm barely holding back a trainwreck from happening. 

The world around me grows blurry. Eh..?

I rub at my eye. I feel... tears running down my hand. I pull my hand away from my eye. More tears fall down my face. 

Oh. 

I'm crying. 

How stupid. 

I just need to wake up. 

I blink and blink again. I keep on blinking until I wake up. 

Except I don't wake up. 

I'm not- I'm just not waking up. What is wrong with me? Why won't I wake up? Am I in a coma? A neverending dream? What about my family, my friends, my pets, my life? What about them?

And what about _them_?

This is so- this is the stupidest thing I've ever experienced. I stop trying to blink myself awake. This is so stupid. The stupidest. I'm- I'm not-

_I am..._

Why. Why? Why is my second life happening right now when my first life isn't even over? At least, I'm pretty certain it's not over... Oh God, what if something happened? My dad... he's... going to be so depressed. At least he has his new fiance and her kids to help him feel better, but still...

He'd live for them, I'm sure. He'd be heartbroken for the longest time, but he'd survive just like he always has. 

...I wish I could have said goodbye… 

I'm startled when a bird flaps off from a nearby tree and flies away. I stare after it. I wish I could fly away too...

I stare down at... my arms. These are my arms now, aren't they? But not the magic. Did Bill take his magic with him or am I inept?

Wait.

Oh God wait. 

What if I'm not dead, but Bill Cipher traded places with me?

Oh no! That's even worse! That's-

I feel a deep sickness in my stomach. 

If Bill has taken my body and he has his magic, it wouldn't matter that that body is mentally handicapped, he'd just- and then-

Oh no...

My world may be in trouble. I doubt that anybody in my dimension could handle him, especially if he has his magic! That's- it's-

I don't want to think about it. 

Maybe... maybe I'm thinking too far ahead of myself. Maybe he didn't trade places with me. Maybe he's just dead and I took his body. Hopefully, that's the case. How it happened, I guess I may never know, but surely not the worst possible thing has happened. 

Yeah, I'm working myself up for nothing. I'm sure that everything's fine. Except for me. Everything's wrong for me but it's fine. I can survive this just like I survived before. 

I just need to avoid being captured or killed by skilled hunters who are after me, a known computer addict who never leaves his room except to eat or use the bathroom. Or, like, go to a doctor's appointment. 

...

Man, I'm screwed. Maybe I should just accept my death. 

I stare at my hands. I unsheathe and sheathe my claws rhythmically. It's somewhat soothing. I do this for I have no idea how long, but when I look back up I realize it must be the afternoon. Have I really been staring at my claws for so long?

Nah, I probably just haven't been paying attention to the sun's position this entire time. Probably. 

So... what's the plan? Do I just... rough it in the woods for the rest of my life, hoping the end never comes? Maybe I should leave Gravity Falls and try to find a life worth living outside of here. But where would I even go? It's not like I can trust some random stranger to help me and keep me a secret. There are so many ways that could go wrong. And not to mention the fact that the weirdness barrier is most likely still up. I wouldn't be able to escape...

And I can't trust anybody in this town either. Everybody undoubtedly hates Bill. They'd report me to the Pines or just kill me themselves.

I do not want to die a painful death by pitchfork. Or being burned alive. Hell, I don't want to die at all! No way, no how. 

So then... what?

My brain feels so blank. Not much comes to mind. 

I guess that my best bet is to rough it in the woods and hope nobody finds me. Not the Pines, or the creatures who live here. Once they realize I'm powerless, who knows what they'd do to me for what Bill's done to them. And I won't even be able to speak to my defense. I won't be able to explain. They'd just... have fun with me I guess. 

I shiver. I wish I had some water right now. 

...I'm thirsty.

Fuck. 

FUCK.

That's bad. That's terrible! If I'm thirsty, then that means I'll probably get hungry too! And I don't know jack shit about what's edible in a forest! And I have no interest in accidentally poisoning myself. 

Not to mention the fact that this body I'm in, it's not human, so I have no clue what it can digest, so I doubly don't know what I can eat. Doesn't Bill just have sharp teeth? Does that mean he's a carnivore? Can this body even digest plants? Am I going to have to hunt? How the hell am I supposed to accomplish that?

Water. First things first, I should find water. 

I stand up (since when did I start sitting?) and make my way to the nearest tree. I need to know where the waterfall is again. As I dig my claws into the bark I'm reminded of the pain from digging. I... really don't want to aggravate this pain. Cause it's... it's real. 

I don't want it to be real. 

I feel tears start to well up and I let them fall. My arms fall limp. 

The waterfall. I need to get to it. But I really really don't want to... climb. Just thinking about it is exhausting. I close my eyes... eye.

The waterfall... it should be to the upper right of my current direction now. If I take a curved path I won't have to encounter the clearing I woke up in. Easy.

I sigh- try to sigh and just feel weird. I force myself to relax.

I walk listlessly, uncertain of what my fate will become. I try to blink myself awake again. 


	2. Maybe if I climb high enough I can escape all my problems...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the positive feedback I got! I really appreciate it!!! Hope y'all enjoy this chapter too!

After a while of not waking up as I hoped, I just start to keep my eye closed and open it every few seconds so I don't walk into a tree. 

A song pops into my head and I'm not sure if I hate or love it. 

_Everything is awesooooome. Everything is cool when you're part of a team. Everything is awesooooome... I forgot the lyriiiiiic._

Perfect song. Ten out of ten. Great for my situation. Thank you brain. 

It repeats on and on as I walk, grinding me down until I'm not sure what the point is anymore. I elect to try to ignore the repeating song and instead focus on the feeling of nothingness. What I need is a break from my own emotions. I stim by unsheathing and sheathing my claws as I continue to walk. 

...

_Everything is awesooaaaAAAA-_

I decide I hate this song, despite how catchy it is. That one line is grinding me under its heel right now and quite frankly I'd rather listen to anything else. Like the sounds of the forest for example. That's much better. 

Birds, the wind blowing through the leaves, loud buzzing bugs that I think are cicadas, or maybe crickets of some kind? They don't quite sound the same as the cicadas I'm used to. But still, loud buzzing insects, rushing water, it's all- RUSHING WATER!!

I open my eye and keep it open as I start to pick up the pace. At least I've got this going for me!

I run for a bit, the sound of crashing water growing louder and louder. I push past a bush and there it is! The waterfall in all its life-giving glory! And it's- it's really fucking huge. Like I feel minuscule just looking at it. 

I probably wouldn't feel so... insignificant to this waterfall if I was my usual height. Or maybe I would. It certainly is a grand sight. 

I walk up to the miniature lake that surrounds the waterfall. The closer I get the smaller I feel. How small am I exactly anyways? Thinking back to when I saw those tourists... they looked so imposing. Like they could step on me real easy. I doubt I come close to their knees. Maybe their shins. I'm not one hundred percent sure though, I don't have enough information. 

But that's beside the point. For now, water! I reach the edge of the tiny lake and get down on my knees. I stick my hands into the water and, ah, cold!! I wince and nearly remove them from the water. Lord, I hate the cold. 

Instead, I unsheathe my claws while I whish them about for a bit. It stings rather harshly, but it's better than getting an infection... if that's even possible. 

Once I feel that they're clean enough, I cup water in my hands and am about to drink it, before I come to the startling yet obvious realization that I have no idea how to do that. I uncup the water. I slump over. Damn it. Looks like everything has to be a challenge for me. 

I move to a seated position and, after a moment's hesitation, set my feet in the water. I like soaking my feet, even if I have to deal with the cold. 

At first, I don't feel it, but then I'm sharply reminded that I'm wearing shoes as the water seeps into them and soaks my socks. I can feel myself grimace as I remove my feet from the water. Great. 

I work to remove my shoes. After some persistent wiggling, they come off. I remove my socks as well and set them aside to dry. I set my feet back into the water. 

Okay, so how do I transform my eye into a mouth? Or, wait, Bill said in the journal that he takes off his exoskeleton to feed? I have no clue where to begin with that. 

Let's just try the eye thing first. Maybe if I push it back things will work out?

I rinse my hand of potential crud in the water and then hesitantly hold it in front of my eye. Am I really about to shove my hand into _my eye_? 

The answer is yes. 

I slowly place my hand onto my eye. It's surprisingly not as sensitive as I thought it would be. I don't even blink. I guess Bill's... my eye is made of tougher stuff than a regular human eye. I'm not about to test how tough anytime soon though. 

I push against my eye. It doesn't feel wrong or bad, just a bit odd. I try not to tense up as I push harder and feel some give. Relax, I'm not human, I'm not shoving my eye into the back of its socket, just opening my weird mouth. 

I keep pushing gently until it reaches far back enough that I feel the wet cavern that is my mouth. I try to memorize which muscles move when I open it. I remove my hand and my eye follows back to its original position. Huh, interesting. 

This time, I try to pull my eye back without using my hand. I'm met with minimal success. I'm clumsy with the muscles and after a couple of seconds I give up trying to get it to move all the way back. Annoyed, I use my hand to push back my eye again, concentrating on which muscles move and which don't. 

I think... I may have figured it out? I slowly take my hand out of my mouth, and sure enough, my eye stays in place. I relax the muscles and my eye goes back to being an eye. I flex the muscles again and after a few moments, I successfully turn my eye back into my mouth. Victory! I repeat this a few times, getting faster the more I practice. Less clumsy too. Alright, I'm confident in my abilities, time to drink some water!

I lean forward to cup water into my hands and pour it into my mouth. I, of course of course, didn't stop to consider how my throat works and the water just slides right down. I shudder. It feels like I've just poured water directly into my lungs. However, I don't start choking so I guess things are okay? 

Maybe I should take the time to explore my mouth... Get a feel for it. Literally. HA. 

I shove my hand into my mouth. No teeth, wet and fleshy, how the hell is there so much room in such a flat amount of space? And is that..? Yep, that's my tongue. I wonder how long it is. 

I grab it and try to pull, but instead, my hand becomes slick with spit and I can't get a grip so it slips. That's almost a rhyme, but my main point is that my hand is kinda gross now. 

I ignore it and try again, this time gingerly gripping it with my claws. I know it's a terrible idea, but I'm curious! 

Luckily for me, it works well enough at the price of a little pain. I take note of how it feels as my hand exits my mouth along with the tongue. My arm is about a quarter of the way extended when it feels like I've reached the end of my rope. Er, tongue. Huh, this is much longer than anticipated. I wonder why it's like this... it's not long enough to constrict prey, maybe it's for cleaning? 

The thought of Bill Cipher licking himself clean comes into my mind and I'm not sure what to do with this thought. Throw it into a trash can and light it on fire most likely. 

Cleaning... hold up. Maybe like a lizard? 

I let go of my tongue and it flops down, still hanging out of my mouth. I let go out the muscles holding my mouth open and it turns back into an eye. This... doesn't feel nearly as weird as I thought it would. My mind reminds me of how in the deleted scene of Gravity Falls Bill licked his eye clean of Stanford's spit as I take my tongue and measure it against my eye. Just as expected, it's long enough to reach the top of it with an inch or so to spare. Neat! And slightly gross, but mostly neat!

I try to get my tongue back into my mouth without opening it. Bill Cipher did it, even if it was in a deleted scene. I kinda got an idea of what to do, I mean, I had a tongue in my previous life so why wouldn't this work?

I end up slapping myself in the eye with my tongue. I flinch back, but I'm more startled than anything else. Jeez. Let's try not doing that. 

Round two. This time I move it more softly. It works out for the most part. My tongue swings back and forth as I try to get a feel for it. Then I slurp it back in a little too fast. Ack, did I just get minor rug burn on my eye? I touch the spot gently with my hand. It stings a little, but the pain is fading fast. I'll be fine. 

I open my mouth and this time shove my hand down my throat. I don't gag which is disappointing. So much for the easy route to feeling my throat. Though, I suppose it does make sense why I don't have a gag reflex. No airways to block, no- uh... Okay, that's all I got for reasons. 

I move my arm around, feeling the lining of my throat. I automatically swallow. Aaa, such a weird feeling on my arm. Don't like it. I take my arm back out and end up swallowing a couple more times. It slows the process of removing my arm a bit, but I manage to yank it out. Jeez louise, what was that all about? It almost forced my arm farther down my throat. 

Maybe it's for swallowing big food? Wait, that doesn't make sense, my arm is lithe. Then maybe it's for ensuring what I swallow gets down? Like for something hard to swallow like... live prey. 

Yeesh. The more I learn about this body, the more I kinda hate it. But then again, maybe it's just because I'm not used to it. I don't know. 

I sit there for a moment stewing in those thoughts. Something tells me that only time will be able to ensure what I truly feel. 

Anyways, water!

I repeat the process of cupping water into my hands and pouring it into my mouth. I swallow the water, but it feels odd. Like I'm not supposed to be doing this. Hmm. I take another handful of water and this time don't swallow after I pour it into my mouth. It goes down smoothly, but I still hate the feeling for a completely different reason. My instincts... no, my memories are conflicting with everything. 

I guess I just gotta get used to it? 

I ignore my memories in favor of listening to my new body. I pour a few more handfuls of water into my mouth. But, ugh, my hands are so small. This is going to take forever. 

I decide to give up on my hands and dunk myself directly into the lake. Without breath why shouldn't I? Sure it's fucking freezing, but I'll live. I sink deeper into the water while clinging to the ground, hoping that the current doesn't pull me away. I swallow a couple mouthfuls of water. There, much better. 

I rise from the water and quickly climb back onto the ground. Brr. I shake myself trying to get as much water off as possible. It doesn't work that well, but it's better than nothing. 

Now then, what now? I think that food is a second priority? How do I hunt? 

I look at the surrounding trees as if they have an answer. I have no skills to survive in this forest. I mean, sure I managed to find water, but that's because of the skills this body possesses, not my own. Though I guess technically this is my body now, so these are my skills? 

Maybe this body can hunt too? If I'm right and Bill is a carnivore then I can just eat meat and not have to worry about nutrition from plants. 

But, I don't know how to hunt. 

Maybe it'll all just work out in the end? 

Aha. 

Haha. 

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I crack myself up. 

Now that I think about it, I've never killed an animal before. Would I be able to handle it?

Hunger will pull me through it. 

...Maybe instead of hunting, I can steal food?

That- that actually might work! But from where? I can't just waltz into a food store. And I have no breaking and entering skills so I can't steal from people's houses. What about...

If Gravity Falls has so many tourists that Grunkle Stan can run a tourist trap for 30 years then surely there must be camping grounds around here someplace! I have no clue where a campground could be, but it shouldn't be too hard thanks to my ability to climb trees! I just need to find the tallest tree and then look out from there to find some hint of where to go!

Alright! I have a plan!

I take a good look around. Thanks to my enhanced vision this shouldn't be too hard. Hmm. But none of these trees would give me a good view of the entire area. Not unless I... 

I stare at the cliff. I look up even farther. There are plenty of trees up there. I'd get an excellent view. But also... that's quite the climb. It must be at least sixty yards tall. There's no way in hell I'd ever make it. I don't have the... wait. I do have the ability to climb it. Despite climbing a tree earlier I still don't feel tired. Sure my muscles may have ached earlier after running, but I've had enough of a break that I don't even feel it anymore. 

This body... is capable. Most likely. And I don't see any way up other than climbing. 

...

.....

I slap my face. No need to get cold feet now. If I don't do this I won't be able to eat and therefore will probably die. No pressure. 

Without letting myself think about it anymore I make my way to the cliffside. 

Oh wait, my shoes. I turn to face them. Should I..?

I look down at my feet. Maybe... I clench my toes and claws pop out. Ah, should have figured that sooner. I'm better off without shoes. 

I turn and walk towards the cliff. 

I'm a bit surprised that my feet are no longer as sensitive as they used to be in my human life... Wow, I'm already referring to my past life as a human one. I'm not quite sure how to feel about this. 

Once I get a decent distance close to the cliffside, I look for the best way up. Cracks in the wall my claws can easily snag, tree roots from the top I can cling to, any trees that grow close to the cliff I can use to climb instead of the wall. 

Thanks to my impressive eyesight I can pick out the best path. If I climb that tree, then jump a bit to that crevice, mosey my way up those cracks and then reach the topsoil I should make it. Piece of cake!

In theory. 

I double-check that that's my best option. It seems so, so up I go!

I reach the tree closest to the cliff and make my way up to the very top. I'm as agile as a squirrel, hah! This is fine. So long as I don't look down, it's completely and totally fine! 

Just gotta jump to the crevice now. Gotta jump. Gonna jump. Jump!

I didn't jump. 

I looked down. 

Fuck. 

Ignore it. Just ignore it. I look back up at my goal. There's a ledge right there, not even two feet away from me. I just gotta jump. Jump. Gosh, I'm so small, what if I break a limb?

My stomach growls. 

...Welp. 

I sway back and forth to build up momentum and I jump. 

For a moment I feel pure exhilaration and sheer panic at the same time. Holy shit, I'm gonna die. But then I hit the wall and I scrabble with my claws to get a solid hold. I'm shakey, so shakey, but by some miracle, I get a grip and I stay there for several moments. Holy _FUCK_. I'm badass. But please let me _never_ do that again. 

I'm going to have to when I climb back down. AaaaaaaAAAAAA-

Okay. I'm okay. 

Looking up, the climb looks far too long. It's still another pine tree and a half's worth of height. I extract my claws from the wall, letting myself settle on the ledge. I study the cliff, triple-checking my best route up. There are plenty of ledges and cracks for me to dig my claws into, so if this way doesn't work I have at least four backup options. It'll be like climbing a tree! But not. 

No point in thinking anymore. I start to climb. 

Put my hand here, and use a foothold there. One step at a time. This isn't so bad. Claws are a lifesaver. And I also suppose it's a good thing I'm so tiny, otherwise some of these places I stick myself into probably wouldn't hold my weight. 

Up, up, and up a little more. The ground gets progressively softer the higher I climb making it easier to get a clawhold. Also, I've noticed that I hardly feel tired at all. Is Bill in shape? Cause it certainly doesn't- wait. That was a pun. 

Note to self: If I ever get a friend and learn how to speak, use that. 

But anyways, it's just me versus this cliff and I'm winning. I hardly feel the strain that climbing a literal rock wall should have. Maybe this body does have magic in it? And maybe I am just incompetent in using it. I should figure out how to access magic. If I can figure it out then I wouldn't need to steal food from people, I could just poof the food myself. Hell, maybe I wouldn't need to eat at all! Bill did say in the third dimension he has infinite power. Although, that could have been a lie. But still, it's worth a shot!

Before I realize it I reach the topsoil. It's a cinch to climb from there, I can dig my claws anywhere and they stick. 

This is kinda fun! As long as I ignore the life-threatening situation, the thought of dying to hunger, of everybody wanting to kill me, of never getting back home, and of all of everything else this is pretty nice. Perhaps I should do rock climbing more often. 

After a bit of struggle getting myself over the ledge (my legs are too tiny...) I finally make it! Well, what do you know? Perhaps I'm not as incompetent as I thought I was!

Alright! I clap my hands together. Time to climb some more! Looking for the tallest tree closest to the edge, I make my way over to it and start to scale it. 

Any anxiety I feel I can easily push aside. Is this because I'm in Bill Cipher's body? Surely his brain is different from my own, so perhaps he doesn't have any mental issues to deal with? Thus I don't have to deal with them? This would be a dream come true if I wasn't so terrified. 

I get to the top and look out. I blink in surprise at what I see. Sure I noticed before that my vision was better before, but this... this is insane. I can pick out the smallest details with such clarity I'm not even sure how to explain. Just, the epic scope of it all. Is my vision like that of a hawk? I can't remember if that's the bird that has the crazy good vision. 

The sunset is so beautiful. The colors of the sky are a mirage of oranges and reds. The glow warms the colors of the forest turning it into my favorite time of day. You know the one, where the shadows don't exist anymore, but you can still see? Love it. Love this. But I ought to hurry and find the campground before it gets too dark. 

A movement from down in the forest below catches my eye. Concentrating, I can see that it's the Mystery Shack. It looks like a lot of people are outside it. Like, a looot of people. Is it a town meeting? Probably about me. 

Of course they've informed the entire town. Jeez, there is going to be a witch hunt for me. I shiver. I am dead if they find me. 

But the good news is that the tourists on the campgrounds won't know about me so they won't be paying as close attention to their surroundings looking for me. 

Ignoring the town meeting, I look for said campgrounds. I glance around the Mystery Shack, but there doesn't appear to be anything there. Then where..?

My eye jumps to the lake. I went camping by a lake once. Well, camping in loose terms. We ate food at restaurants rather than roughing it. Don't know why. We could have just eaten stuff around a fire. That would have been cool. 

Thanks to my sharp vision I can pick out, YES, a large campground by the lake! Incredible! The campground is by the cliff next to the waterfall that looks terrifyingly at least four times the size of the one I was in awe of. 

All I have to do is trek all the way over to it!

...

Allllll the way over to it. It's on the other side of town...

Shit. 

Welp, no point in bellyaching, time to get a-movin'!


	3. Finally, a place where I can be comfortable!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank y'all so much for reading and leaving reviews, it makes me very happy!!! :D
> 
> This chapter is the beginning of having to rewrite things so that way they make sense. There is a river, but it doesn't lead to the lake, so I'm scrambling to rewrite everything so it fits the map of Gravity Falls. So chapters will definitely come out slower now, but I hope you guys will stick around to keep reading! C:

I scamper my way down the tree. I want to make some distance before it turns dark. At least down this cliff. 

I make the mistake of looking at the forest below. U-u-u-ugh. Oh, how I loathe heights. 

Okay, it's fine. Everything's fine. I take a- try to take a deep breath and fail spectacularly. Great. 

This time I look down the cliffside instead of at the forest. This is mildly better. I mentally calculate a path. Going down's easier than going up, right? So this shouldn't be as bad. 

Twisting myself around, I lower myself over the edge and dig my claws into the dirt. I start carefully making my way down. Easy-peasy-lemon-squeeSHIT SHIT SHIT.

The dirt isn't as strong as it should have been and I start slipping down without any control. I scrabble to trying to get a hold of anything, but the more I struggle the looser the soil becomes and I slip even faster. 

Holy fuck I'm going to die. 

I'm not sure when I closed my eye. All I know is that my heart is beating out of my chest and I'm going to die. I hold my nonexistent breath and brace myself waiting for the end. 

...

.....

The end doesn't come. 

I gingerly open my eye, Am I still falling? I open my eye more. Looking around, I see that my claws are still clinging to the wall. I look up. I think I fell over thirty feet... Scary. Absolutely scary. I really don't want to move and end up falling even more. 

But it's not like I can cling to this wall forever...

I cautiously continue down, moving so slowly that by the time I make it back the crevice I jumped to before the sun had sunk below the skyline, turning a quarter of the sky dark. 

Okay. Okay okay okay. Now to just jump back to the tree and then climb down to the ground where I will hug the Earth in all its glory. I probably won't have to climb anything for a while after this. Probably. 

Not giving myself to think, I jump to the tree. 

I miss the top. Ffff-

Claws extended, I try to get a hold of anything I can cling to and grab a couple fistfuls of pine needles. I keep falling for a moment, but then thwang back up and judder. 

Holy shit. Never again. Please dear God never again. 

Willing my heart to slow down unsuccessfully, I shakily move my way to the branch the pine needles are attached to. I feel fragile. I keep moving 'til I reach the trunk. I decide that right now is a good time to take a break. 

I'm shakey, oh so very shakey. Near-death experiences are not my cup of tea, no thank you. How do people stand parkouring over building tops? Too dangerous, just not for me. 

I wish I could do breathing exercises right now. It'd make things so much easier. Instead, I close my eye and try to see if it's possible to organize my emotions. 

Sorting through my emotions is always hard. Mainly because I don't really feel them unless they're overwhelming. Dissociation is a hell of a drug. But despite me not being able to feel them, it doesn't mean that they don't exist. I've figured out how to tell what my emotions are by paying close attention to my body's reaction. It's not quite the same as actually feeling my emotions, but at least I'm not totally blind to everything. 

...Actually, now that I'm thinking about this, I'm still experiencing that dissociation despite me being in a different body. Has my PTSD followed me? Or does Bill have a similar problem to my own? Maybe both?

I concentrate on my emotions. They're... there, just like when I was human. But behind a cotton wall of dissociation. So faint. 

I'm... terrified. And sad. Mad? I'm a bit mad. Huh. None of these emotions I want to feel. But I suppose I must do so. 

So I let myself feel. Behind a wall of dissociation. I try clawing my way through the cotton, but it's so fluffy it keeps bouncing back into place. How does one feel anyway? I've been dissociating my entire life. Thanks mom. 

Hmmf. Trying to feel is a waste of time. But at least I've distracted myself enough that I've calmed down. I open my eye. 

Oh wow, it's much darker now. How am I supposed to navigate my way through the forest while it's dark? Though looking around now... it's not so bad. I can still see pretty well. I look up. Is it..?

There's a full moon shining above me. The bright light almost stings my eye. I close my eye and rub it, belatedly realizing that if I want to pain to stop I should stop staring at the moon. So I do. 

Weird. Has the moon always been this bright, or is this just how the moon of Gravity Falls is? Or... night vision. Right. Silly me. 

Anyways, if I stay in this tree any longer I'm going to start panicking again. Not letting myself think about it any further, I clamber my way down. 

Once I touch the ground relief sweeps me off my feet. Literally. I flop onto my back, so grateful I could cry. I'm never taking solid ground for granted ever again. 

I lay there for a few minutes, relishing in the feeling of not being in danger. Or, wait, I guess I am still in danger, just in a completely different way. I open my eye tiredly. My brain won't even let me relax for a bit, will it? 

I ignore the desire to sigh dejectedly, knowing full well that I can't. I stand myself up. 

Now then... the plan. The fastest path between two points is a straight line. Of course, that means heading straight through the town, so that's a big fat no. Guess I'll just have to skirt the edges of the town, maybe stick at least fifty feet inside the forest. And then once I get there... err... I'm sure I'll figure it out later. It shouldn't be too bad if I don't come up with a complete plan now. What could go wrong?

Terrible question to ask, absolutely terrible. Everything can go wrong. Everything already has gone wrong. I really shouldn't jinx myself. 

I turn to start my journey, but then realize a couple of potential flaws in my plan. 

1\. I'll be ditching my source of water for who knows how long.

And 2. it's dark out, so I should try to sleep. 

Though, I'm not especially tired... but would it be worth it? Hmm...

Pros of leaving now: I'd probably get there sooner than later. 

Cons: I could get very sleepy on my travel and be less alert to potential dangers. 

...I should be very cautious about such things. It's better to be more alert and not recklessly move forward. 

Okay, new plan. Find a decent place to hide for sleep and then when morning comes we move. 

I take a quick look around and figure that one of the bushes by the lake is big enough for me to hide underneath it. I make my way to it and search for the best way in. 

As I do so, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mini-lake. The surface is calm enough that I can see my reflection. I look tired. Perhaps a bit miserable. But most importantly, I don't look like myself. A cartoon is staring right into my eye and when I wave my hand it mimics me. 

I think I hate this. 

I'm not used to hating things, but this really takes the cake. What the hell happened to me? Why am I here? Why in Bill Cipher's body? I don't get it. You'd think there'd be a reason, but I don't see one. It's like somebody decided to play a joke and took it too far. I know God wouldn't do this to me- wait, is the Axolotl God? That has... some weird implications. 

I have no idea how to process this...

I shake myself. We shouldn't come to any rash conclusions. God is God, no matter who They are. I have no clue who They are exactly, but until I die I'll keep following Him. And when I'm dead I'll just keep following. 

...

A different form, a different time...

Is Bill Cipher really in my body? Is that why I'm here now? Because I got switched? If Bill's powerless, then I guess that could teach him a lesson. I just worry about how he'll treat my family. 

Unless my previous body is dead and Bill Cipher's just dead. 

None of that is comforting. 

What if I'm Bill Cipher?

Wait. Hold up. 

Me... Bill Cipher?

Was my previous life the life that was a different form in a different time? Now I'm back given a second chance?

Freaky. 

But if that's the case why don't I remember being Bill Cipher? Shouldn't I have his memories?

The more I think about this the more my head hurts. 

Whatever. The thing I should be focusing on is sleeping. I turn away from my reflection and look for a suitable spot under the bush. 

Once I find a nice spot to squeeze into I bend over and crawl under the bush. I double-check that I'm hidden and then lay flat on my face. Feels weird that I don't have a neck to turn my head to the side so I can breathe, but then again I don't have to breathe, so it doesn't matter. 

G'night...

...

.....

........................

Hmm. It's odd. I feel the dirt, but at the same time don't? I feel like I'm floating away, but not in a dissociative way? In... a dreamlike way. I... open my dream eye?

Woah. Everything is a shade of either blue, purple, or orange. There are lots of shifting shapes floating about, no two looking quite the same. The shapes form an interesting collage of colors creating a deep sunset, with other shapes forming clouds that are all different hues of purple. I can see stars peeking through the shapes. 

Looking down, I see that the grass is wild and orange. There's an ocean reflecting the sky with a beach whose grains of sand are colored a dark gray-blue. The gentle waves form a soothing sound along with the song of crickets forming a harmonious melody. 

I feel myself relax almost instantly as I observe everything. This place, it's beautiful. But I still feel my face in the dirt. But, I'm not in the dirt here. Here is... a dream? What kind of dre-

It then hits me. This is my mindscape... or dreamscape. Or whatever it is you call it. Ooof course. Of course it is. Can't even experience the relief of sleep. Great. Just-

Wait.

Can I float? Can I fly??

I rush to my dream feet and immediately jump. I- I stick in the air! Oh my gosh, a dream come true!

Well, a dream come dream, I guess...

But still!!!

I will myself to float higher, and I do! There isn't anything holding me back like in my human dreams! No constant flapping of my wings that tires me, no enclosed space, no limits to how high I can go! I feel like I can reach the stars!

Oh, speaking of the stars, I've reached them. I didn't realize I was going so high so fast. Or maybe this place is very small?

I look down. 

Whoops, bad decision. I grip the closest thing to me so I don't fall, which happens to be a star. 

Unfortunately, the star is not a solid object and slips through my grasp. I try a couple more times before realizing that I'm not falling. Which, of course I'm not, this is my dreamscape. I'm not going to fall just like that. Ahaha. 

Still, this is uncomfortable. I gulp and slowly make my way down down down- hey, what's that? 

I descend back to the grass, my entire being focused on the object I saw. As I get closer to it I- no, it can't be- and it is. It's a strikingly familiar-looking all-in-one computer. 

This is where my memories are stored, aren't they?

I sit in front of the computer and stare at it. It's turned off, with the screen reflecting a Bill Cipher staring back at me. 

...

I can be whatever shape I want to be, right?

Though I was never fond of my human form. 

...

I'm conflicted. For one, I don't mind being in the shape of Bill Cipher, but I DO mind that other people will care. I don't want to be in the shape that'd kill me. 

...

Though, changing how I look in the dreamscape isn't going to change anything. Especially when it's just me in here. And when it's just me I don't mind...

I push the power button. 

The screen immediately turns on despite the power cords being plugged into the dirt. The background is still the same picture of Bill in his zodiac circle as it was in my human life. Though there are a few additional folders on the screen that I didn't have in my previous life. "Memories", huh. I double-click it. 

The file opens and two subfolders pop up. "Human Life" and "New Life". Interesting. 

I click open the human life folder and, woah, there appear to be hundreds, perhaps thousands of subfolders all labeled different things. At first, I'm confused by the order since usually they're supposed to be alphabetized, right? But then I realize that memories would be best stored by date. I check and yep, my brain has tings better figured out than I do. Or is it my soul that has things better figured out?

I scroll through the folders. "Forgotten", "Mom's Cigarette (possibly a dream??)", "Forgotten", "Forgotten", "Nintendo 64 games", "Forgotten".

I click one of the forgotten folders, curiosity getting the best of me. 

The folder is empty. I don't know what I expected. 

I back out, searching through all the folders again. I've never fully considered just how much I don't remember before. I knew my memory was about as sturdy as a half-played game of Jenga, but this is a tad ridiculous. 

Hmm, what about the newer memories?

I scroll for a long time before getting frustrated by this system. Despite my memories having holes like swiss cheese, I still have a ton of them. Mostly labeled as forgotten, but still. Surely there must be a simpler way to-

Ah, in the upper right corner of the file explorer is a button labeled "Filing". I click it and it lists options on how to file the files. 

Well, okay then. 

I click "Newest to Oldest" and what do you know, the newest files pop up first. 

Hooray. 

...Anyways. 

"Forgotten". Just a whole row of forgottens. Is that so...

Is it really so hard for me to remember just a few days ago? Hell, even yesterday?

I know I make jokes about how I can't even remember what I ate for breakfast... but this? I can't even remember the last few days of my human life. It's just... gone?

Maybe it's a trauma that won't let me remember... Aha, ahaha. Though of course, the trauma my mother left me with made me forget things in the future. I chuckle bitterly. 

I blink and then chuckle again. I gasp. I can make noise! I think and, "Can I speak?"

Success!!! I'm so happy! Who gives a shit about trauma when I can speak! "Hello, hello, hello hello hello hellllllloooooooo~!"

My voice, hmm, it sounds like when I was human. Not a fan of that. Too feminine. 

I wonder if I can... "Hello?" Ah, my voice is deeper! Dreamlife is so easy!

"Hello, I am speaking with my voice, it's a good voice, and I'm happy to be speaking with it!"

Good, very good! Flight, speech, I can do anything!

I hum happily to myself and decide I can be mopey later. I click on the previous button, back to the "Human Life" and "New Life" folders. I double-click the new life folder. 

"First Day of the Rest of My Life". That's the only folder. How ominous. Is that the bigger truth, or just what I think is true?

I double-click it. 

I am bombarded with file after file, just what appears to be an endless source of information. Video files, all of different lengths, adding up to over thirteen hours long. How did I know that? I have no fucking clue, my brain just supplied it to me. Word documents with labels like "Possible Pines Family Revenge" and "How to Best Climb a Cliff (still learning)". Sound clips, png files, maps, a footstep counter, nearly countless different files adding to up what I learned today. And, yup, it's updating in real-time. I can see one of the word files labeled "Thoughts of the Dreamscape (or mindscape or whatever)" increase in file size thanks to the indicator next to the file name. Funky. 

I guess this new body remembers everything really well. To the point that I think I have a perfect memory. 

...Mentally disabled who? Don't know her? HA. 

This new body is fantastic! Now if only I could wear a pin saying, "Hello, my name is Kevin" and then if people believed said pin my life would be so much easier. 

I exit out of all the files back to the desktop. Hmm, there's my drawing program, Paint Tool Sai. And another file labeled "Stories". There's also... the internet? Is it really? I click the Google Chrome icon and the Google frontpage pops up. I move to start typing but then pause. What the hell do I try to lookup?

..."How to use magic" enter. 

Showing results for how to use magic...

Theories, fairytales, stories, etc. 

Ah, it's just another way of sorting through my memories. More convenient this way, I guess. But damn, I was really hoping that I had the actual internet on this thing. It would make survival simpler. 

I exit Google Memory and click on the art program. Paint Tool Sai loads immediately with a blank canvas at the ready. Nice. Everything looks the same, with my preferences already set as it was in my human life. I reach for my tablet pen when I then realize that it doesn't exist. And neither does my drawing tablet. 

...

I will them into existence. 

Sure enough, through a haze of sparkly blues and oranges, a drawing tablet and pen appear. I grab the drawing tablet and set it in my lap, then grabbed the pen and start to draw squiggly lines. It works perfectly. I delete the lines and decide to doodle for a bit. 

Well, I say doodle, but before I realize it my doodle turns into a fullfledged drawing I'm putting effort into... again. 

It's of Bill and Stanford holding hands. I giggle to myself. Ah, the simple pleasure of drawing your AU OTP. 

I save the picture to a new folder I created titled "new life art".

After saving it, I create a new canvas and this time actually do doodle random stuff, mostly Bills. It's relaxing. 

It flickers through my mind about how weird it is to draw Bill when I AM in the shape of him, but I dismiss the thought. I'm not going to stop drawing what makes me happy just because I now look egotistical doing it. 

Besides, who's going to judge me? It's just me in here, and God too I guess. He knows exactly what's going on, so there's no need to be ashamed. 

I'm hungry. 

That stops my doodling. 

Jeez, of course I'm hungry. It's been like sixteen hours at least!

I set down my pen and flop onto my back. I sigh. I then stick my tongue out and blow a raspberry. 

I could make food appear in here, but, nah, something tells me that'll just make me hungrier. 

...I should just head to the camp already. 

I blink my eye closed and wake up. 

I try to open my eye and- ack- bad idea. Face still in the dirt. Fuck. 

Okay, okay okay okay. I push my face out of the dirt and blink my eye rapidly. Tears well up and clean my eye, thankfully. Doesn't hurt nearly as bad as you'd think opening your eye in the dirt would, but still. 

I shake myself a little and take a look around. Leaves. I'm in a bush, right. But taking the time to look beyond the bush, I see that it's still dark out. 

I crawl out from under the bush and wipe the dirt off my front. I take a look around, trying to figure out my best course of action. 

First things first, I'm thirsty again. I walk a couple of steps back to the mini-lake and I carefully dunk myself into the water to drink. Brr, it's practically freezing! After getting my fill, I rush out of the water and shake as much of it off as I can. I take off my bowtie and wring the water out of it, then place it back on. A little wrinkled, but it's fine for now. 

With no time like the present, I start making way to the camp. 


	4. Who will be my friend?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! Sorry for the long wait!! My computer broke down and I went without one for like 2 and a half months. 
> 
> But I'm back!!
> 
> Here's a short chapter to help me get back into the flow of writing. I actually made myself cry while writing this cause it deals with thinking about my past. Just a heads up! The tags got updated and this chapter involves heavy suicidal thoughts. 
> 
> Please be cautious. And thank you for reading! :D

_Walking through the foreeest~_

_Lots of cricket noiseees~_

_Trying not to diiie~_

_(Don't think about it, don't. Don't think about it, don't don't.)_

_Walking for a long ass time~_

_Making my way downtown side~_

_Smooth grass beneath my-_ WAIT, FUCK, I FORGOT MY SHOES. 

I turn around back to where I came from. I need those shoes for... for-

I halt in my steps. What do I need them for again? I barely even realized that they were missing. It's easier to climb stuff without them. My feet aren't even sensitive anymore...

But, they're some of my only possessions...

...

Eh, fuck 'em. I turn back to the path towards the camping grounds. They'd just slow me down. 

_Walking, walking, walking slow. Walking slow, then fast, then slow~_

_Ma-king up some random tune. It goes slow, slow it go-_

"Why not?!"

Oh shit. I scramble up the nearest tree. 

"Because son, you can't just fight a demon!"

I make it up halfway the tree. Nobody should see me this high up, right?

"I don't see why everybody is so afraid of him, dad!"

I hone in on them. They appear to be coming from the direction of the Mystery Shack. Makes sense. 

"I know that you weren't alive when Bill Cipher was around, but just because we defeated him once doesn't mean that he's a joke."

"But-"

"No buts, son. Bill Cipher is a powerful demon that nearly killed the entire world! The horror, the atrocities that monster committed, I wish I could shield you from them."

"Dad..."

I can finally see them, off in the distance. They're- oh, they look like... deertuars? Is that the right word? The bigger one, obviously the father, has got a look of dread on his face. "Please, believe me when I say that you can't fight him."

The smaller one, lower half still covered in white dots, looks a little bit scared. "Then what are we supposed to do?"

The father steps in front of his son and prevents him from continuing forward. He kneels a bit and places his hands on his son's shoulders. "Ford had said to follow the basic plan and to come up with our own ways of following it. So here's what we do. If we see Bill Cipher I want you to run."

"Wh- but dad-!"

"What did I say about buts?" He tries to sound stern, but it comes out more broken than anything else. "The plan is this: I will distract Bill Cipher, and you will run. You will run as fast as you can and you won't ever look back."

"I can't leave you behind dad! I won't!"

I can hear them both crying. "Jameson, this isn't a request. You will run away if we see Bill Cipher. I can't-" The father chokes on his tears, "I can't risk losing you. Not like that."

"I- I can't lose y-"

The father roughly hugs his son. "Yes, you can! For the last time, you will run away!"

There's a stunned expression on Jameson's face. His tears double and he hugs his father back. "D-dad..."

Holy fuck. 

I- I caused this... w-well, it's not directly my fault!! I'm innocent in this situation too! It's not like I meant to cause wide-spread panic just by existing! 

But... they don't know that. And I can't tell them. Even if I could they'd never believe me. 

The father and son finally let go of each other. The father smiles shakily. "Come on, it's late, let's head home." He turns around and heads back in the direction they were walking before. 

Jameson stands there a moment, looking lost in thought, before running up to his dad and grabbing his hand. The father looks mildly startled, then smiles warmly down at his son. 

They walk home, hand in hand. Never once coming close to my tree. Never once looking up. 

...

I... I think I need a moment. 

.....................

...Okay, alright. My head is clearer now. In general. 

I can't... I just can't fuck around, huh. Not that I was before, but... people believe their lives are at stake. All because I somehow became alive in this world. People are already thinking of throwing away their lives to save one another, and it hasn't even been a full day yet!

I- I can't-

I feel tears well in my eye. 

Stupid. Everything is so very stupid. 

I'm not a threat! But there's nothing I can do to prove it to them. 

Maybe... if I'm going to die in these woods anyway... maybe I should turn myself in?

...

...........

Does their comfort really outweigh my will to live?

Ah, wait. Correction. 

Does my want to put other's comfort before my survival outweigh my will to live?

Man, I am fucked up in the head. Who the hell does that? Who the hell even considers that?

I do, apparently. 

But, fu-uck man, I don't want to be a burden! I don't want to be the cause of so much pain, even if I'm not doing anything to cause it. 

Other than existing. 

Shit, this reminds me way too much of a recurring dream theme. Where everybody hates me, no matter what I do. And I'm left all alone, with no one to call a friend, to call family...

Just the indifference of others to keep me company until I wake up. 

I shiver.

...

I climb down from the tree. Nobody's around. 

I walk slowly towards the camping grounds. Alone. 

My stomach rumbles. Does it matter?

.....

If I'm alone... then what's the point of living? Just to live for myself? That doesn't sound appealing. 

What's the value of my life if no one wants it? 

Honestly, I'd be better for everyone dead. 

My steps come to a stop. 

I'm really considering this, aren't I? To just turn myself in?

My main passion, my main goal for living is to make people happy. That's the whole reason I decided suicide was not a good idea! 

So who am I without it? What am I...

I need to sleep-

Sleep. 

Eheh. Ahaha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Can't even. Refresh my mind. I'm fucking stuck with my shitty thoughts, no escape!

What a bullshit day. 

Fuck it, I'm going to my dreamscape. It's far more soothing than out here! At least there I can rest somewhat. 

I look around for a safe hiding spot and find a convenient bush. I sluggishly head over to it. It looks like it's a bush that has thorns. Not so convenient then. I don't care. I force my way under it, ignoring the snags on my flesh. 

I get as cozy as you can get under a thorny bush. I close my eye and enter the dreamscape. 

I open my dream-eye and am greeted with the familiar sight. Except now there's a storm brewing overhead. As I look up neon pink lightning crackles and strikes the land far away. I couple of seconds afterward rain starts pouring onto the land and myself. 

I feel my worries and sorrows melt a little away. My soul sure knows how to soothe a wound. Also, the metaphor for the state of my emotions is a nice touch. 

I walk over to my computer, thunder rumbling loudly. I move to turn on my computer, but then the sight of the ocean catches my eye. 

It's a beautiful sight of crashing waves and furious downpour. I- I need a closer look. 

The sound of the rain hitting the grass gradually turns into a roar of such magnitude I can barely hear my thoughts. 

I'm taken in by it all. It's something I've only seen in movies before. Such a wondrous thing...

I break down into tears. 

Shit. Fucking damnit. 

My knees hit the sand. 

I can't- I can't take this shit. I've always placed my self-worth based on how others view me and now- now it's gone! It's all gone! What the hell am I supposed to do? I made a fucking promise to God I wouldn't kill or hurt myself. But the things I used to keep myself alive are gone! 

I don't- I don't want to live like this! Fending for my life while others fear me? Nobody- nobody, nobody wants me alive?

...Maybe. Maybe letting the others kill me... isn't quite suicide? After all, they're the ones murdering me. 

I stare at the ocean. The churning waves are starting to calm down. The rain is starting to slow. 

Perhaps... if I died once... what's the harm in dying once more? After all, this whole second life thing might indicate that my soul will move on to a completely different universe. If I died, would I actually be dead? Maybe I'm immortal, maybe everyone is. 

I wipe my face of tears. 

Yeah, this is fine. Everything will be-

_**R-R-RIP** _

AH! JEEZ, WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

I turn to face the sudden noise and am baffled to find what looks to be a hole ripping open in my dreamscape. Inside the hole looks to be blue skies filled with stars and wispy pink clouds. It's very familiar looking- wait. 

And- and, and I can't believe my eye as none other than the Axolotl gracefully swims through. 

Oh my gosh. 

The Axolotl looks around for a moment before looking directly at me. 

They're... staring. 

Perhaps it's rude for me to stare back, but I can't help myself. I can feel their overpowering presence, though it's not overwhelming. 

.....

.......................

The Axolotl opens their mouth. "...Interesting."

Another pause. 

They turn around and start heading back- wait!

"WAIT!"

The Axolotl stops. 

I start to run over before realizing that they're rather high up in the sky, so I kick off the ground and float up to their level. "Please, wait! I have so many questions! You can't just leave!"

The Axolotl turns back around. "...I will answer one question."

Oh. Oh jeez. I have way too many questions though! What to ask? What to say? 

Are they God? Or perhaps only God of this world? Why am I here? Surely there must be some purpose to my existence. If I can figure out why I'm here- but, but what if there is no purpose? Then it'd be a waste of a question! 

Will I survive long enough to make a friend? But, what if the answer is no? Then I'll just be heartbroken all over again! Will I be alive somewhere else if I do die? Is it okay if I turn myself in? Is it worth it to be alive when there's nobody to be alive for? 

I- I've been thinking for quite a bit of time. Oh jeez, what if they're mad?

I focus back on the Axolotl. They... don't appear to be upset. But then again I can barely read their face. But also they aren't voicing complaints so that's kind of them. 

Kind...

"Will you be my friend?"

There's a shift in their presence, something I can't read. "...Friend?"

I clasp my hands together and plead. "Yes! I'm in desperate need of a friend! Thanks to me being in this form nobody likes me! Without anybody in my life, I have nothing left to live for!" Wait, am I guilt-tripping them right now? Oh, oh jeez, backtrack!! "But, like, if you don't want to be friends I understand. 'Cause I know that we don't know each other, and I'm literally asking out of the blue... I don't want to force you into this if you don't want to. I just... I don't know. Sorry, I'm being selfish."

The Axolotl looks at me, and I feel like they're looking directly into my soul. They might be, now that I think about it. "...You don't have much self-worth, do you?"

Um, ouch. "Ahaha, I, uh, I try to, but it doesn't always work out."

"...Okay."

Huh?

"...I will be your friend."

Oh, oh my gosh. Oh my gosh! "You mean it?"

"...I don't make a habit of lying."

I feel myself starting to shake and tears flood my eye. "I'm- I'm so happy."

"...Let it be warned though. I will not be able to be around very often."

I rub away my tears and then straighten out. "Completely understandable! You are a, er, deity of some sort, so I get that you can't be around twenty-four seven. You just come around when most convenient!"

"...Will you answer a question of my own?"

"Of course!"

"...Who are you?"

I blink in surprise. How curious. "My name is Kevin! I'm a 23-year-old human... or, was human anyways. I have no clue how I got here!"

"...I see. I'm not sure how you appeared here in this universe as well."

Ah, well, that raises tons more questions. But I bite my tongue metaphorically and don't bother to ask them, as clearly before the Axolotl said to only ask one question. "Oh, that's a bummer. I was hoping you had some clue as to how I got here."

"...You're certain you don't know how this happened?"

"Yep! I just woke up half-buried in the dirt and then thought I was dreaming. But, it wasn't a dream..."

"...Seems we're both uncertain."

"Haha, yeah."

...

"...I must go now."

I startle a bit. "Oh. Erm, okay! I wish you good luck with your... whatever it is you need to do!"

"...Thank you."

The Axolotl smoothly turns back to the rip in space and swims on through. 

"Uh, goodbye! See you later!" I wave hesitantly. 

The Axolotl turns their head slightly to look at me. "...Goodbye."

The hole stitches itself back together. I wait for the stitches to disappear, but the line where the hole once was does not disappear. 

I wander over closer to it. Huh, that's fascinating. I don't think its fully shut. That means...

I feel tears threaten to spill over. Ah, they do plan on coming back eventually! How exciting!!

And, and I have somebody to call a friend! Somebody to live for!! I'm so grateful! There's no way I can die now, I must keep living for my friend!

I wipe my eye and float downward back to the beach. I sit on the sand and look out. 

The rain has stopped. The waves are gentle. And most importantly, the sun is shining off in the distance. The light turns what's left of the clouds beautiful shades of orange and purple. I don't think I've ever been so happy to see the sun. 

I sit there for a long while, enjoying the view. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: Sorry, I should have put in this in beforehand, but this takes place during 2019! I am a different person than I was before and I would NOT be so easily swayed to have such thoughts nowadays. 
> 
> I'm much more mentally healthy nowadays! I mean, sure I still have a long ways to go, but I am nowhere near the place I was over a year ago. 
> 
> Anyways, thanks for reading!!


	5. Cool times, bad times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for waiting! And may you enjoy the new chapter :>

It's very calm and soothing, this view. I could watch it forever, playing with the sand beneath my fingers. For the first time since I got here, I feel... at peace. 

My stomach growls, almost painfully. 

Oh. Right. RIGHT. 

I stand up quickly and dust myself of sand. I have places to go! What good is this view if I'm dead?

I close my eye and wake up. 

This time, I don't suddenly open my eye. I remember my position in the thorn bush and, uhm, ouch? Past me's carelessness hurts a lot right now. 

I gingerly open my eye a bit and look around. Sooo many thorns, holy shit. Why did I think that this was a good idea again?

...

I cautiously try backing myself out of the bush, though as it turns out forcing yourself under such a thing means that unless I want to be snagged again I can't get out. 

I lay there dumbly for a moment and a half. Shit. 

Figuring out the path of least resistance, I brace myself and move. 

Ouch, motherfucker. Shit, hell, hate this. 

As my feet get closer to some thorns, I realize that I can't scratch them up otherwise I wouldn't be able to walk very far. 

Bet you wish you had those shoes now, huh, dumbass?

I ignore the thought and work through my plan of least resistance, but also trying not to hurt my feet, and preferably not my hands either. As I maneuver my way out (son of a bitch!), I update my plan again as I conclude that snags on my body hurt significantly less than on my limbs. Made of stronger stuff I guess, especially since I can't bend it. Though the scratches still sting. 

Just a liiittle more and I'll be free!

Making my back take the brunt of the thorns, I force my way through. 

Ah, jeez, motherfucker-er-er. 

I land straight on my... lower side. I crack open my eye and take a peek.

I'm out of the bush!! Yes! 

I lift my arms in victory before realizing that my arms have thorns stuck in them (ouch). 

These need to come out immediately. I slowly lower my arms and grab the first thorn I see. I wince. Ugh, I thought that Bill found pain hilarious. Shouldn't this be funny? Or appealing in some way?? I just feel like shit.

I steadily pull the thorn out. Smooth as silk, or something like that. 

I stare at the thorn. It's a little one. That doesn't bode well for the other potentially huge ones in the rest of my body. 

I toss the thorn back in the direction of the bush. One down, who knows how many to go!

For a couple of minutes, I work to remove each and every thorn. Each comes out with varying levels of difficulty, but thanks to the task being tedious my brain eventually numbs the pain as I hyperfocus. 

After eleven thorns and triple checking my body, I'm relieved to say I got them all! I let myself fall onto my back in relief and- AH, FUCK. 

I hiss in pain and get up as quickly as possible. I forgot. To check. My back. 

I turn my arm around and cautiously reach for the strongest pain. If they weren't in deep before they are now. 

I brush against the thorn and, ah, it hurts like hell. Oh jeez. This isn't good. 

Not giving myself any more time to think about it, I grab it and yank it out. 

Fffuck! 

I repeat the process three more times. 

After checking the entirety of my back a couple more times and finding nothing but blood, I then slowly lower myself so I can lay down. Once no new pain radiates, I finally relax. 

Oh my gosh. What a way to start a morning. Oh, right, it's morning. The sun's rising. It feels like it's been twenty-four hours since I've come to join the land of the weird. Probably has been. 

Not letting myself waste any more time, I stand up and start moving. 

I take in the beauty around me. The trees, the tall grass, the buzzing and chirping insects, all of it wondrous. I let myself become hyperaware, pausing now and then to soak in the sights. It feels like having a camera built into my brain, this photographic memory of mine. Perhaps when the Axolotl shows up again I can show them some of these moments! 

But not the moments in the thorn bush. I can't have them worrying! Just thinking about it again makes me want to hiss again in-

WAIT, WHAT.

Concentrating back in on the moment... how. How did I hiss? How did I make noise?

I- I had felt it in my chest. The movement of muscles I had no idea existed, but this body instinctively knows! 

This is so exciting!!!

I sit at the nearest tree and focus on the feelings in my chest. If I just stress these muscles in this specific way then-

_HISSSSSS_

Oh. My. Gosh!

I start flapping my wrists because this is the most excited I've been in a long time! Besides making a new friend, of course. But, this is different! It's so overwhelming I must move!

Noise! Beautiful noise!!

I stop flapping and hiss over and over again. Once I feel I've got the hang of it I give it a break. 

Now then, how do I make alternate noises? Speaking is, of course, the highest priority, but any other noise would be magical as well. 

Hmm... Perhaps if I mess around...

I hiss again, this time not letting go of the tension. Perhaps I can... twist it?

_HISSSSSSSSK-KHHH_

Ah! For a moment there I made a K noise! 

Thinking back over how I felt...

_K Kkkk_

Aha!! I'm improving! 

I stand up and start pacing while flapping my wrists. 

Amazing. Truly amazing! I... I wonder... what happens if I...

_HISSKkAAAAAA **AAAAA**_

Holy shit. I just screamed a horrible screech that sounded like I was dying. 

I hear it echo mildly off in the distance. And... nothing else. 

The forest is quiet. 

Haha, haaaa. I need to leave now. I start jogging back on course. 

Okay, new rule. No screaming like the damned again. At least for now.

I hyperfocus on the noise around me. The noises I make (they feel so loud) and the lack of others. 

I feel incredibly nervous and don't stop jogging. 

I used to love the quiet. Well, not quiet quiet. I mean the quiet of being alone. Where music is there so the constant tinnitus I experience doesn't bother me. Where yelling doesn't happen. 

Actually, now that I think about, I don't hear that high pitched ringing anymore. Great! 

But that's besides the point. 

Right now, the silence tells me that a n y b o d y could have heard that scream. I'm only so far away from the town after all. 

Scary. Oh so very scary. 

_ᵣᵤₛₜₗₑ_

OH HELL NO. 

I pick up the pace from a jog to a full-blown run. I do not care that that rustling noise was way off in the distance behind me, I ain't taking the risk!

I run. And I keep running until I can't stand the pounding of my heart anymore. And even then I don't stop, just keep walking. 

Okay. Okay okay okay, I'm okay. The forest sounds like a forest again. Tweeting birds, insects doing whatever, I'm okay. 

I don't hear anybody chasing me, there isn't much sound behind me at all actually. Just woods' noises. 

I'm safe, for now. 

Doesn't mean I'm about to stop moving though. I've already wasted enough time. No more letting myself become distracted either. I can figure out how my voice works later. 

I focus on ahead and keep my steady stride. I'm around an eighth of the way there, I should make it in around... four to five hours? I think perhaps around the afternoon time. 

No sweat!

I don't think this body can sweat. 

I say that because I feel warm. Hot even. 

I'm about halfway there, but this summer heat combined with nonstop movement is making me feel like I'm frying. 

It makes sense. I have no lungs to regulate my temperature and without any sweat glands, my insides must be cooking. At least, that's what it feels like. 

I think I need a break. 

I move to sit under a tree, but then think better of it and climb the tree instead. A little extra work is worth the extra security. 

Sitting on one of the mid-lower branches, I rest against the trunk. There's some relief in sitting in the shade, but I still feel like I'm baking. 

Hmm. I wonder if I can...

I open my mouth. Recalling how the muscles in my throat moved, I experiment a bit. 

If I can get my throat, or even my stomach, to act as a lung, then maybe I'll cool down faster. Sure, there's the threat of me vomiting, but it's a risk worth taking. 

After messing around a bit, I finally figure out how to open my throat up. I then relax the muscles. A huff of air comes out. And I feel just a touch cooler! I'm such a genius. 

I repeat the process over and over again. It gets to the point I figure out how to contract my throat too. After a couple of minutes, I'm successfully panting! It's not doing much, but I feel somewhat better-

I hack. 

Ooh, n-

I hack again. I cough over and over and then-

I lean over the edge of the branch and vomit. 

I fucking knew I'd throw up, yet I did it anyways. 

After spewing what little is in my stomach, I find I'm met with a horrible case of heartburn. I cough some more. As the seconds tick by, the pain gets worse. Ah, jeez, why does it hurt so badly? I need water!

I scramble down the tree and avoid the puke on the ground. Belatedly realizing I need to see I open my eye and- ack, bad. It's burning my eye!!

Without thinking, I use my tongue to wipe clean my eye of the acid from my stomach. My eye starts watering and I clean it again. 

Ah, that feels, so much better. 

I feel the reflex to swallow start-up and let myself. A cooling sensation starts at the top of my throat and after a few swallows it gets dragged down to my stomach. While it still stings, it's definitely sooo much better than before. 

I... I think I'll be okay. 

Actually, now that I can think again, what the hell.

A built-in anti-acid? This body is weird. 

Then again, with stomach acid that potent... Well, whatever. I'm just grateful it exists. 

I move back to the tree to rest, but am halted looking at the vomit. It's bright neon green and hissing. 

What... the fuck? 

I lean in closer to get a better look. 

It looks like my spew is eating through the grass. I watch the grass dissolves at a speed I never witnessed anything dissolve except through videos on the internet. After half a minute the hissing comes to an end. The grass and stomach acid mixture look... mushy. 

...Well, okay then. 

Note to self: When threatened, try puking on the threat. 

Carefully avoiding the nuclear acid my stomach apparently produces, I climb back up the tree. I'm still hot, and I feel kinda sick now. 

So much for being a genius. 

I sit on the same branch as before, laying against the trunk, and deeply wish that I could sigh. Looking out, I can see bits and pieces of the town through the pine needles and other trees. 

A glimmer catches my eye. I focus in on it. Is it..?

I stand up to see if I can get a better look. 

It is! It's a swimming pool! Ooo, it's an inflatable one too! This is perfect! If I can get in there and leave before anybody notices I can cool down! And everybody should be out hunting me down anyways, who the heck would think to look in their swimming pool for Bill Cipher?

This is an excellent idea. 

I climb down the tree and turning my senses up to 110%, I make my way through the trees to the swimming pool. 

As I get closer I notice there's a wooden fence surrounding the property. Not a challenge for me and my sturdy claws!

As I near the fence I pay closest attention to the noises. 

It sounds like... there are people in the house, though their voices and movement are so muffled I can't make out what's happening. 

It'll be fine! Most likely... Perhaps I should wait?

Hmm, I need to get a looksie. 

I dig my claws into the fence and start my ascent. Smooth as a butterfly! Except for the fact that whenever I push in my claws it makes splintering noises. 

Ehehe, I hope they don't notice the damage I'm doing...

I tap my forehead... top angle on the fence. This is a life or death situation! I can't get heatstroke! I just can't. I'm sure that if they understood they would... understand. 

Maybe I should rephrase that sentence... eh, screw it. I know what I mean. 

As I make it near the top I stop to make certain I wasn't heard. 

...There's no screaming or any audible question of what the noise I was making was. 

Good. 

I climb u- WAIT, MY HAT. 

I jeez, I'm so glad I remembered! If they saw my hat as I got any higher then that could be disastrous! I'd be revealed and then...

Well, good thing I remembered. 

I let one hand go and reach above my head. Only to be met with nothing. 

Huh?

I swish my hand about, but can't find it. 

I stretch my arm as far as it'll go in all directions but... I think my hat is missing? What happened to it?

Thinking back... went up the tree, barfed, lots of walking and- THE THORN BUSH!

Oh jeez, it must have gotten caught or something and left behind in the bush! 

...I liked that hat. 

Oh well. It's not important to my survival. 

I dig my claws back into the fence and peek over the top. 

There's that wonderous swimming pool! It's not that big, but I'm not that big either, so it's perfect! 

I focus on the house. There's a glass sliding door and a window on each side. There doesn't appear to be anybody in view!

I hesitate a moment, but then figure that I'd better move fast. 

I quickly lift myself over the edge and flip myself around to climb down the opposite side of the fence. Easy as cake!

Once I touch the finely manicured grass, I waste no time and run over the ladder. Taking a single moment to look back at the windows and door, I'm relieved that nobody's there.

The ladder is small, only three steps tall which are all relatively close together. Easy for young children and me, thankfully. 

I make it up in no time. I look in to make certain that there are rungs in the water as well and, yep, there are!

I jump in. 

Ah! The scratches kinda sting! But it's overshadowed by sweet, sweet relief. 

The water is cold enough that I can feel my temperature dropping. I sink to the bottom and sit there, soaking in the coolness. 

Once a few seconds passed, I stand up. Okay! I'm revitalized and ready to cont-

_Swoosh_

Oh. Oh no. 

"You kids have fun out here with grandpa while I search and hunt down Bill Cipher!"

Why? Why is my luck this terrible??

I hear a couple of children scream out in excitement. "I'm getting in first!"

"Nuh-uh!"

I rush to hide behind the ladder. There's not enough coverage, but I pray to God that they don't notice me. 

"Cannonball!"

There's a large splash and I see a young girl curled into a ball diving into the water. She quickly uncurls and stands up. The top of her shoulders barely reaches over the top of the water. "Jump in slowpoke!"

There's another splash and this time a young boy jumps into the pool. The boy quickly uncurls and uses his feet to propel himself up faster creating another huge splash. 

They're both laughing together. 

Ooh, this is going to end badly, isn't it? I can feel it in my bones. 

Wait, do I have bones?

"I can hold my breath longer than you can!"

"Nuh-uh!"

Oh fuck. 

"On the count of three! One, two, three!"

They both dunk themselves under the water. And- of course. Of course they're wearing goggles!

The girl is looking at her younger brother, but then her eyes shift over to me. 

Welp. 

Her expression looks confused and she points at me. Her brother turns around and notices me too. He lifts his feet off the ground and swims closer. He then grabs me by the arm and I go limp. He stands back up with me in tow and appears to have completely forgotten about his game. His head breaches the surface and his sister does the same. 

The brother holds me up out of the water. "What do you think it is?"

His sister squints at me. "A new toy?"

He holds me close to his chest. "I get to play with- oh, it's warm!"

"Really? Let me see!"

I'm handed off. 

"Ooo, it is warm! Do you think it runs on batteries?"

"Uh-uh. Batteries can't be in water!"

"Then why is it so warm?"

A new, older gentleman's voice pipes up. "What are you younguns talking about?"

Oh jeez, oh no. 

I'm held up high. "Is this a new-"

She's cut off by a gasp and what I can only assume is the grandfather screaming at the top of his lungs. "THROW HIM ASIDE AND GET OUT OF THERE!"

"Huh? But-"

"THAT'S BILL CIPHER."

I cannot see her expression, as I refuse to look or blink. "But-"

The brother looks fearful. "What are you doing! Throw him!"

After a moment's hesitation, I'm thrown outside the pool flat onto my face. 

I hear the sliding door open. "KIDS! GET OUT OF THERE AND GET INSIDE!"

I jump to my feet and start running for the fence. 

"Woah, it is alive!"

"Sissy, come on!"

I don't pay attention any further than that and hastily climb the fence. After a few tense seconds of feeling exposed, I finally make it to the top. I flip over and- HOLY FUCK IS THAT A SHOTGUN?!

**_K-CHK_ **

I let go and drop unceremoniously. A loud **_BANG_** sounds and a blast of splintered wood follows me to the ground. I land onto the wild grass and close my eye to shield it from the splinters. 

I get up and don't bother to wipe away the splinters sticking to me. I run for dear life. 

Holy fuck, fuck fuck fuck. I quickly swipe my hand over my closed eye to get rid of the sticky splinters. Now that I can see I try to figure out my best way out of this situation. Uhhhhhhhhhhh, fuck. Just run!

I listen intently behind me. I hear the man cursing loudly and running through his yard. Can he jump the fence? It was pretty high, and that man is getting on in age. I hear a click and what sounds like the squeak of an opening gate. 

Oh shit.

I push myself to run faster, knowing full well with my tiny size that man can easily outrun me, even if he is old. 

Uhhhh, fuck, uh, TREE!

I run up to a tree and climb faster than I've ever climbed before. I don't stop climbing until I reach the very top. 

All I can do now is wait. 

I hear the man cursing still as he runs in the short distance away from me after me. 

I don't think he saw me climbing the tree.

I see him now. He has the shotgun and is running in the direction of my tree. I hold my nonexistent breath and-

He runs past the tree. 

I don't bother to stop holding my nonexistent breath. And I keep holding it until he's out of view. 

...

Oh my gosh. That was so very scary. Should I try to make my escape now or..?

If I stay here eventually people will swarm the area looking for me. It'd only be a matter of time before they spot me. 

Not letting myself think twice, I climb down faster than I went up and hit the ground running. I, of course, do not run in the direction the man went. I follow the path I was originally following to the campgrounds. 

I run, and keep running, silently praying for my life as I go. 


	6. How do I avoid people? The answer is simpler than you think

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! Also, I'm sorry that the small text is jumpy, I don't know what to do about that

After my muscles start aching I slow to a walk. I listen intently for anybody in any direction. There’s no sound or peep that would be suspicious in a forest. But still, I don’t let my guard down. I walk and I listen. 

There’s nobody there. You’d think that since I heard that people were looking for me that there’d be people looking for me. 

Wait, if that old man sounded the alarm to the others, which why wouldn’t he, then that means everybody is probably starting to look in the direction the old man is looking. Which means… I might have just cleared the path straight to the campgrounds without realizing it. So there shouldn’t be anybody looking for me in this area. 

Huh. 

I don’t let my guard down. I can’t afford to. Who knows what’ll happen if I do?

  
  
  


There was no danger thankfully. It’s the afternoon and I feel myself boiling again. But I’m so close, I can taste the humidity in the air! If I can just dunk myself into the lake without anybody seeing somehow, then surely I can cool off! Just gotta get past the tourists, the lake-goers, and the rangers! Ahahahahahaaaaa…

What the hell kind of body is this where I can’t travel long distances without dying of heat anyways? As far as I can tell there’s no natural way to cool myself off and it’s absolutely ridiculous. It feels obvious that Bill most likely transfigured his body to make it like this, but why would he have himself overheat so easily? The more I think about it the more delirious I feel. Or, maybe that’s the heat exhaustion. That makes more sense…

There’s a whisper of not foresty noises up ahead and I stop. It sounds like… human chatter? Wait no, I already know that more than humans can speak here. What I’m hearing is just… English maybe?

Hmm. I climb a nearby tree, just to be safe. I look out in the direction of the voices, waiting for them to either get closer or disappear. 

…

…..

The chatter is too far away to get a clear idea of what’s being said, but as far as I can tell, they aren’t moving. 

I stay in the tree for an extra few minutes just to be safe. 

When nothing changes, I hesitantly make my way down and do my best to skirt the voices while heading towards my destination. 

I gust of wind blows in my direction from the lake, carrying new scents. Both in terms of scents I hadn’t smelled before and scents I’ve never smelled before. The ones I do recognize, fire and grilled meats, awaken a hunger in me I had successfully forgotten since I’ve been busy fearing for my life and dying of heat exhaustion. The smells are intoxicating, and for a couple of footsteps I walk towards it, before snapping out of it as a wave of dizziness hits me. 

Uh-oh, that’s not good. 

Deal with heat exhaustion first, then food. 

I avoid the tantalizing smells and focus on the feeling of the humidity. I take a step and the world swirls around me. Fffuck. I stand there, wishing I could breath, sweat, something! I wait for the dizziness to pass, but not exerting myself only works barely. 

I stare straight ahead, as much as I can anyways, and start a trot. 

Ignore it, just ignore the dizziness. It’s okay body, we’re headed for coolness, just hang on. Please.

I try to keep things steady, and as I push past a bush, I get a view of the lake! I start to rush forward, but then stop as near immediately my vision develops dark spots. 

Oof, okay, mistake, mistake. 

I walk, keeping my eye closed, trying not to think about it. Just focus on the sounds of the water crashing against the beach. Just don’t think. Precious relief. Just-

Cold water hits my feet and my eye flys open. I fall forward into the water and- oh, oh my gosh. It nearly feels like a shock to my system. I lay there in the shallow water, soaking the coolness in. 

Finally, finally. The heat is gone. I stand up, relishing in this feeling. Maybe the cold ain’t so bad. 

I then come to the sudden realization of something. Something very important. 

People who go camping near the beach, typically go swimming at said beach.

I turn in cold horror away from the water and stare at my reckoning. 

Nothing. 

I blink in confusion. I turn a full three-sixty degrees looking for anybody. 

Nothing. Well, there are some abandoned beach umbrellas over towels and toys in a few different spots. But nobody is here. 

What. 

I nearly collapse in relief, not willing to look a gift horse in the mouth, but then I recall a second important fact, which is that I’m out in the open. Anybody could see me. 

I dash back into the woods and hide under a bush.

Okay. Okaaay, okay. I’m okay. I think. Why was there nobody at the beach? And why do I get the feeling that they all left in a hurry? ...Whatever. I should keep moving. Perhaps find a nice tree to settle in. And then… uhm. Hmm. 

What’s the plan now? Find shelter? Or-

My stomach growls.

...Food. Now that I think about it, I’m terribly hungry. Perhaps… I should investigate where that lovely smell of meat was coming from?

I cautiously emerge from the bush. When nobody springs out screaming about how they’ve found me I feel myself relax a smidgen. 

Now then, the scent is coming from deeper into the woods… I just need to be sneaky. 

...Good luck with that.

Thanks for the well-wishes, brain. 

No problem. 

I trek through the trees, spreading my senses as far as they’ll go to look for danger. But nothing pops up. I’m alone. It’s starting to feel creepy, like there’s a tenseness over this section of the forest. 

Or maybe I’m just projecting. 

The smell grows stronger and for a moment I lose myself to the scent. I know I loved red meat in my previous life, but this… I never knew grilled meats could smell so good. Perhaps it’s because I haven’t eaten in over 24 hours, but I get the feeling that it’s more than that. 

“⁻ʰᵉˡˡ ᵈᵒ ʸᵒᵘ ᵗʰᶦⁿᵏ ʸᵒᵘ'ʳᵉ ᵈᵒᶦⁿᵍˀ”

I stop. 

“ᵂᵉ ᶜᵃⁿ’ᵗ ʲᵘˢᵗ ʷᵃˢᵗᵉ ᵒᵘʳ ᶠᵒᵒᵈᵎ”

The voices are a little distant, coming front the direction of the meat scents. Hmm… I start walking slowly towards it. Perhaps my stomach is acting as my decision-maker right now, and I kinda care, but also I’m curious.

“ᴵⁿ ᶜᵃˢᵉ ʸᵒᵘ’ᵛᵉ ᶠᵒʳᵍᵒᵗᵗᵉⁿ, ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ’ˢ ᵃⁿ ᶦⁿᶜʳᵉᵈᶦᵇˡʸ ᵈᵃⁿᵍerous bear in the area and we haven’t caught it yet!”

Bear? 

“But-”

“Do you want to attract its attention by being out here? Get back in your camper and don’t come out!”

Yikes, I hope I don’t run into it. I could make for an easy meal. 

“I told you this was a bad idea, Brian!”

“...Ugh, fine.”

“Good, and make sure you don’t make any loud noise either.”

I push away some foliage to spot a clearing where I can see a couple of rangers talking with some tourists. Can they see me from here? Hmm, I don’t think so, but I’m going to climb a tree with a view just to be safe.

As I move, one of the rangers with a thick mustache and even thicker muscles starts walking away from the tourists. Where to? How the hell should I know. 

“Hey!”

I’m halfway up the tree and freeze.

“What are you wasting time gathering food for? Get back into your camper!”

Oh, thank goodness. They didn’t see me. I can’t even see them!

“What? But there’s a bear? Wouldn’t the smell of all these hotdogs and burgers lure them here?”

I peek around the tree. That’s… actually a good point. 

The second ranger, a man with long hair in a ponytail and less thick muscles stutters a moment. “Uhm, fine. But be quick about it!”

The tourists glance at each other in confusion, but then quickly gather as much food as they can carry. The rangers are tense, looking at the sky occasionally? For some reason?? After a couple of trips, the tourists have gotten all the food and close the camper door behind them. There’s a minute _click_ , it’s obvious the door has been locked. 

The rangers remain tense and share a look. They’re obviously having a silent conversation. They break the look and head to I don’t know where they’re going. Maybe back to their station? Or whatever it’s called?

Well, the important thing now is that the food is gone. Nevermind how I could have possibly gotten some. 

...Welp, there’s no point in being in this tree now. I climb down. My feet hit the ground and I wonder what to do now...

There’s a mechanical-sounding beep coming from the rangers. There’s some rustling and a tiny click. “Ranger Matt reporting, over.”

A click and some static hiss. “Ranger Matt, I’m sorry to say that Bill Cipher has not been found. They’re giving up the search, it’s been too long since he was last spotted. He could be anywhere. Over.” A click. 

I sneak over to get a better view of them. 

There’s some muttered curses coming from both rangers. Click. “We’re going to have to move all these tourists out of here. And the people in the town incapable of fightin’ too. Over.” Unclick.

Click. A few seconds of buzzing. “Not necessarily. Stanford is reckoning that Bill Cipher has lost his powers, somehow. Otherwise, a second Weirdmageddon would be among us already. Over.”

“Wait, are you suggesting that that demon is nothing more than a dinky little triangle running around and taking dips in people’s pools? Over.”

Dinky? 

“Yes. Over.”

Both the rangers look at each other and after a couple of seconds bust into laughter. 

Dinky…

“Guess this means our ‘bear’ problem is handled, eh Greg?” The man with the mustache smiles almost sadistically.

“Seems so, Matt, my main man!”

Oh. I do not like the looks on their faces. Can’t get caught, I’ll definitely die!

Greg starts running in the direction they were headed before. “First one to the cabin makes the announcement to the tourists that the bear has been ‘caught’!”

Matt moves after him at a surprising speed considering he’s such a bulky man. “No fair! You always get a head start!” He complains, but it’s obvious that there’s laughter in his voice. 

Their voices get more and more distant the further they run, until I hear Greg shout, “ᴵ ᵂᴵᴺᵎ”

I don’t care to listen after that. At least I don’t have to worry about an actual bear. 

Hmm… I mosey back to the campsite those rule-breaking tourists were at. I climb a tree and wait. 

After about a minute, there’s a loud screeching noise followed by a voice, clearly Greg’s. “Good news, campers! The bear has been caught, so feel free to enjoy your late lunch or get back to swimming! And remember, have a safe day! And report anything weird to the nearest ranger.” 

There’s a _click_ and the camper door slams open. “THANK fucking God!”

“Brian-”

“I knew that this whole bear situation would not affect us! We could have been enjoying all these trees and shit, but nooo.”

“Brian, please-”

“No Mackie, I was right and they were wrong!”

As Mackie and Brian argue, the third of their group ignores them and starts setting up their delicious smelling food on a nearby wooden table. He sits down by a half-eaten burger and starts munching.   
My stomach rumbles. But… what do I do?

Mackie appears to have given up trying to talk Brian into not being a jerk and sits down in front of her plate of food. 

Brian, not quite getting that this is another reason for Mackie to ditch Brian eventually (I’m assuming), is triumphant. He sits at his plate, grabs and takes a bite of his burger, and talks with his mouth full of food about I don’t care. I just don’t care. 

They look like they’re enjoying their food. I want… Oh jeez, what do I do?

I grip the tree branch with my claws as I try to actually think. 

There’s… extra burgers and hotdogs on a paper plate in the center of the table. I could- uhh. Uhm. 

…

Okay, a list of abilities I have is:

  1. Climb tree.
  2. Overheat by continuously exerting myself for a couple of hours.
  3. Vomit acid.
  4. ...Be small.
  5. Scream like a banshee.
  6. I could probably do some real damage with these claws.
  7. See really well.
  8. Senses in general are heightened. 



So, combining some or all of these abilities… leads to me magically getting food..? Maybe??

Laughter sounds from down below and I focus back on the group. I listen in on what they’re saying, cause I’m also a good listener and patient and who knows? Maybe they’ll say something that’ll help me.

“I’m telling ya, man, I could take out a bear! Just give me the right gun and I’ll blow its damn head off!”

Huh. Of course Brian would think like that. Some sorta toddler thought process going on with that guy. 

Mackie snickers. “My babe is such a good shot!”

Do they not realize how big a bear actually is?

“You guys do realize that bears are huge, right?”

THANK YOU, whatever your name is!

“Pft, doesn’t matter how big, a shotgun shell through the eye will take anything out!”

Hmm, I don’t like that his brain jumped to that logic. Like… is that from experience?

Brian gets a wild grin on his face. “Have I ever told you about the cougar I killed?”

Oh no…

What’s-his-face waves his hand dismissively. “Not while I’m eating, dude.”

Oh thank goodness. 

“What, got a weak stomach?”

“Unfortunately.”

Brian makes a disgusted face, as if somehow the other guy being weak in the stomach is an insult to himself. 

Before Brian can be a jerk (again), Mackie interjects. “So, I want to go to the museum once we’re done eating! What do you two think?”

Not-Brian slowly chews his bite and then nods along. 

Brian groans. “All that walking after a meal? No thank you.”

Mackie clasps her hands together. “Please, Brian? Pwetty pwease?”

Brian groans again and shoves what’s left of his burger in his mouth. “Kitten, you can’t just pull that on me.”

She continues holding her pose and I could swear there are sparkles in her eyes.

“Not right now.”

Sparkles multiplying. 

“Mmm aargh, alright alright! Fine! Just stop with the puppy eyes! But on one condition! You let my food settle first.”

Mackie jumps up. “Yes!!” She does a little victory dance.

There’s a look of… fondness? in Brian’s eyes. Huh, whodathunk he actually cares a bit about his girlfriend. 

...Okay, that was rude of me. Sorry Brian, I shouldn’t have thought that. You’re human still, and just cause I don’t like you doesn’t mean I should stoop to such a level. 

Brian stands up from the bench and does some light stretching. “Alright, I’m done eating. I’ll be relaxing in the camper while I wait for you two.” He walks over and opens the door to the camper, steps inside, and closes the door behind him. 

There’s silence for several moments. Then Mackie sighs quietly. “I’m sorry he’s such an asshole, Pete.”

Pete swallows a bite of food. “You did warn me. Why do you even like that guy?”

“I… I don’t really.” She sighs. “God, he’s such an dick… but his dick though.”

I nearly fall out of the tree. 

He grimaces. “Gross, you’re my sister, I don’t need to know anything about your sex life… but I relate.”

Oh my gosh, the drama. 

Mackie hums and takes the last bite of her hotdog. “You ready?”

Pete quickly shoves the last of the hamburger down his throat. “Yep.”

They both stand up. 

Oh. My gosh. Please. Please forget about putting aw-

Mackie starts walking backwards towards the camper. “You’ll take care of all this, right?”

“What? Just to awkwardly walk in the camper while you two sloppily makeout? Get your ass back here.”

I… no… they’re-

I watch as Mackie pouts and joins in cleaning up with her brother. 

I wait, hoping for some miracle as Pete opens the camper door just for them both step inside. 

I do nothing as they close the door with a resounding _click_. 

…

….. I… I’m dumb. 

I did nothing and I’m stupid. 

Now, wait a minute, hold up. What could I have possibly done? Walk up and act like a starving puppy??

No, this mission was doomed from the start. I don’t know what I was thinking. I- I…

I start crying. 

Damnit, fucking shit. At this rate I really will die. What am I supposed to do? I’m beginning to starve, I’m trapped in another world… another dimension really! In the shape of fucking Bill Cipher! Where everyone hates-

I whine.

It’s so stupid! I’m so stupid! What do I think I’m doing? I can’t succeed! 

I sob. I wipe at the tears on my face, but more tears replace them. 

I’m- I’m not- I’m-

_Click_

I shut up.

“Shh, I swear I heard something! Just be quiet!”

Looking back down, I see that Pete is leaning out of the open door. He looks around. 

“Hear anything?”

“No… it stopped.”

“If you’re going to go look for nonexistent noises, then at least close the door. You’re letting all the cold air out!”

Pete makes a bitter face. Quietly he mutters, “I could have sworn I heard crying,” and then he leans back into the camper, closing the door as he does so. 

…

…..

Shit, that was close. I need to go somewhere more… private, I guess. 

Making certain that my eye is free of tears enough that I can see, I climb down the tree and head to the deeper part of the woods. As I walk, the unshed tears spill over and I find myself sobbing all over again. 

What do I do?


End file.
